is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
