did you get engaged???
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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