i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Im part way to drunk.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
