Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
