I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
tell me about the eggs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
