stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My vagina just clenched in fear
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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