we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
