Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
