Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
