Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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