my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
