Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
pray to the hookup gods
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
