Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
