I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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