I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
