I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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