Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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