After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
