cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
