I molested 6 butterflies tonight
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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