I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
