I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I need moral support for this bender
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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