i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
