Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
