I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
