I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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