Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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