Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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