I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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