My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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