TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
