Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she told me i tasted like america
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
