Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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