I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
should my penis look like a turkey
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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