pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
