So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
