My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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