Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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