Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
