Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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