when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
