You work out of a Hotel?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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