I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
