i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
