Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
