it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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