Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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