I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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