I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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