Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
