the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
